Written By: Steph Jocobson
Waking up from a dream you wish was reality is a cruel thing. The thing is, what’s stopping us from pursuing the things that our subconscious creates in our slumber? Why not you? Why not me? It was this realization that led me to leave everything behind, to make those dreams become real. What better day than Independence Day to declare my own independence?
I woke up at 4AM on July 4th and left everything behind. I mailed a check for rent for the remainder of my lease to my landlord, dropped everything I own off at The Salvation Army, and got in my car and drove west.
The second I was outside the Chicagoland area, I felt my whole body relax and I smiled bigger than I ever have. I rolled the windows down and inhaled the summer air as the sun was coming up. I didn’t waste my energy worrying about what the agency would do without me. I mean, anyone can sell a house.
I stopped in Iowa City to grab some breakfast and coffee at a Dunkin Donuts. The cashier was insanely rude, but I smiled anyway because it didn’t matter - things were about to change. My life was finally on the right track.
I stayed the night in Denver at a Holiday Inn and got high with the hotel receptionist, Chad. He was a fun-loving, flamboyant 23 year-old. He told me about how he ran away from home when he was 15 because his parents emotionally abused him, and I told him about my exciting life plan. Chad asked if he could join me, but I told him that he still had a lot to learn about himself.
The morning brought storms and my windshield wipers were working as hard as they could. Storms always reminded me of my grandfather and how we would sit in the garage and watch them pass. As a kid, I both wanted to see a tornado, and was deathly afraid to see one. I never quite outgrew that. I held on tight to the steering wheel. Ten more hours to go.
My life isn’t bad, in fact it is great. I love everyone in my life and am grateful for all I had growing up. I was able to go to U of I with help from my parents and I studied psychology to, of course, not work in psychology. Isn’t that just how it goes? I still loved what I did though.
Eight more hours to go and I started to get nervous. I began wondering if I should really follow this through. Is it the right thing to do? I kept driving and the storm cleared to sunny skies. I tried calling my mom, but she didn’t answer. It was for the best; I didn’t really want anyone to know my plan anyway.
The next eight hours went by fast, and before I knew it, I was pulling up to the Grand Canyon visitor center. That is why you are finding this note. I left it for anyone to find, but you found it folded up in this map. You get to know my story.
My name is Geneva Jordan and I am 29 years old. I grew up just outside of Chicago, IL in a city called Joliet. I drove all the way out here to end my life on my terms. I am not depressed or sick in any way, I simply knew it was my time to go. I know that sounds selfish, but hear me out.
Wouldn’t you rather your favorite TV show end on a high note, instead of go down hill and force you to stop watching it because it got so bad? Wouldn’t you prefer your fruit to be just ripe enough that it’s flavor is at it’s best, before it gets overripe and mushy? Wouldn’t you like to stay in the “honeymoon” phase of your relationship forever?
Then why shouldn’t I end my life on a high note? You could say I’m scared, that’s okay. I made this decision on my own, I finally did something without the help of others. I finally proved I could be independent. Please don’t feel sad for me, I am happy with my decision.
How did I do it? I jumped. I always wanted to go skydiving, so it was kind of like killing two birds with one stone. Don’t bother sending help, it’ll be too late, but please do enjoy the views. It’s gorgeous out here!
One last thing: If you ever find yourself at a Holiday Inn in Denver and Chad is working, please tell him that I made it and smoke a bowl with him for me! Now go! Go see the Grand Canyon, friend.